Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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