Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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