I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
