She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
