I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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