I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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