I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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