Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
