I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
