You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
