Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
