I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
