there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
