we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
