How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
