let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
