can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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