Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
