umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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