I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
