I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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