I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
