I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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