I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
