your room smells of hookers.
And success
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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