its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
