I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
