Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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