I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
