Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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