He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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