I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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