So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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