I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
