What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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