So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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