I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
