"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just blew my weed a kiss
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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