Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
