i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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