you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
