i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Operation Purity has been aborted
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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