Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
