Soap is not a condiment
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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