he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
