Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
