you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
