Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
