Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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