I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
