What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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