Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
