we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
