He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
